The term Mental illness does not mean a blueprint. It doesn’t follow a set of guidelines to say this disorder does this, and that disorder does that. Though some mental illnesses do follow a similar pathway, it does not mean every person set with that disorder will have exactly those same qualities.
It took me a long time to accept I am sick. I think that is the key to moving forward, accepting that you are sick. I thought, “I can’t be sick because there are times when I can hold down a job, and there are times when I can go outside alone, and there are times when I have no problem talking on the phone. So that mean I’m not sick because I can do those things… sometimes.” But that’s it, isn’t it? I never stopped to realize that yeah, I am sick and I can do those things. It’s like seeing only black and white. It’s not allowing yourself to see grey. Even if you are sick, you can still do things that other people would say means you aren’t sick. That comes back to mental illness NOT being a blueprint. Every person will experience their illness differently, because we all have different backgrounds, familial connections, cultural differences, religious backgrounds, etc. Each person takes all of those things into their personality and THAT feeds directly into how they experience their illness.
When I go back to work, when I get a job, I never go into that job half-hearted, never! I jump in, full force, head held high, full of fire and ready to conquer the task of learning my job and role. Those traits come directly from my illness which comes directly from my childhood. I was trained for years to be hyper vigilant, on guard, at the ready, and eager to please. When I get the thumbs up that I am doing a good job, which means danger has passed. My upbringing taught me to be watchful, listen for possible danger, and always vigilant about possible danger.
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