I always believed there were many different types of toxicity in our lives. Those things can include family, friends, work, places we live, tv shows we watch, games we play, music we listen to, etc. Those things can compile and compound until our systems are devastated with so much toxic afterbirth that we suddenly fall apart. That is what happened to me in August of 2010. Memphis is not conducive to joy, happiness, well-being, or a sense of safety. Memphis is one of the most miserable places to live; high crime, criminal government officials, the city makes money off of the hate, children being raised by apathetic people who watch their offspring turn into apathetic people and so on and so on, racism so harsh and deep set it chokes the air, and then there is the noise... the ear piercing, heart hammering, teeth rattling noise that pounds against the nervous system until someone... me, succumbs the shattered mental stability. This city caused my breakdown, this city and it's lack of care peels away small bits of me until nothing remains but a crying, nervous, twitchy freak of a person who can't stand going outside because Memphis lies beyond that door.
So, June 1st, 2013, I will leave Memphis for good. I will go in search of my place, the place where I feel at ease, where my health will regain and my mind will remain forever at peace. I will go ahead of my wife of 13 years, missing more and more as each mile clicks under my wheels, but know when I DO find that place, when I find that atmosphere where I can breath, she will see me as I was meant to be seen, not the hateful person I have become.
My journey will begin soon, my peace of mind will follow after that, my life will begin again.
