I’m not saying that I don’t get down, even while taking the vitamins. Just as taking pharmaceuticals, there are moments when people just feel down. But I have noticed that if I do not religiously take the vitamins my mood falls a great deal. It doesn’t go as far down as if I do not take them at all but my mood does fall a great deal. So, what does that mean? It could mean one of two things. 1. I need a constant stream of the vitamins in order to maintain my mood. 2. The effects of the raised mood is just a fluke and I am consciously making my own mood rise by the “idea” that the vitamins are working. I would believe the second if I wholeheartedly put 100% of my faith on the effectiveness of the vitamins. I know they have helped me. I went from living in a cave to living in sunshine within three months. Given that I also understand that the mind is one of the most complex organs in the human body. Not only does it make ALL of the other functions of the body work, it also houses ALL of the emotions and memories a person gathers throughout life. The medical field recognizes the development of emotions and memories and they also know full well that the crucial points of this development takes place very early in childhood. If this process is disturbed just enough the whole of the development process is basically ruined. How a person feels and understands is damaged and that healing process never really happens. The only thing a person can do is learn how to function with this deficit. Does not that mean a person cannot function in the world? For some, yes. For others it is just a matter of recognizing the limits and living within them. That is what I am learning now. I am starting to understand that I do have limits and it’s ok to have them. While I lived in the abuse I had to survive. I could never look weak. As long as I appeared alive I would be ok. Abusers can sense weakness at 1000 paces. The whole of life was to live under that radar. Early on my brain developed around the different conflicting emotions and memories I was creating as the abuse was carried around me and on me. Certain chemicals in my brain were overdeveloped and others underdeveloped. An outsider can see this, a therapist can see this. The whole reason behind pharmaceuticals is to replace what the brain is missing and “hopefully” give it just enough to function like a real person. That’s the theory anyway. I don’t believe that at all. I know there are some people who do get relief and the whole of the psychological treatment community bases those few successes and applies it to everyone who suffers from mental illness. That’s like saying that everyone with brown hair is allergic to peanut butter because a handful are. They do not observe these patients as individuals. They treat them as “if one has this and this medication works, then this medication will work or should work with the other who has the same thing.” That is detrimental to the patient. What if by prescribing these medications to people who don’t need them actually adds to the mental illness? What if it causes damages that would not have been there otherwise? It’s possible but they won’t say it. So, do I think the vitamins keep the down moods at bay? Yes. If I miss a dosage will it effect my overall mood? I feel it does. I say this because yesterday, October 23, I missed my morning regiment and my mood started to go down hill until I took my nighttime regiment. Today I still feel a bit down as if my nighttime regiment wasn’t exactly enough to bring it up. It feeds my brain exactly what it needs at the time, and it will eventually wear off a bit and therefore every twelve hours I give it more. This has worked for me for months now. If only I could find something to help the anxiety.
I started taking Dopamine, at 1200mg once a day, in the morning Saturday October 22. I haven’t noticed a huge difference yet. I think it needs to get a steady stream first before I will notice a difference. I am still taking 3,000 mg of GABA and Valerian Root at 530mg which I take five of at bedtime. I am still sleeping more hours at night than I did without them. I am only waking up one time or at most two times during the night and that is to go to the bathroom. I say the nighttime regiment is working.
No comments:
Post a Comment