I have developed a reaction to the Lamictal. Shortly after starting the medication, I developed small patches of rashes on my back and legs, hives popped up on my legs and thighs. No sores in my mouth or nose, so that's a plus. I had only been on it for exactly two weeks. I called my psychiatrist and spoke to the receptionist, he is such a nice guy, and he told me to stop the Lamictal AT ONCE. I am incredibly itchy, restless, and have flu-like symptoms. I see her tomorrow but man, is it really worth this? The medication I am currently, Pristiq has helped my depression, I am taking less Niacin, but it has done nothing for my anxiety.
I have been seeking help for my depression and anxiety since I was 15. For 30 years I have seen, maybe, 12 therapists and 3 psychiatrists, with almost no results. The only therapists that actually helped me were Shela and Dale. They forced me to look deeper within the issues, the true issues, so that I could find my way out of them. My issues run deep, from an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, isolation, and countless others. And although I went into each session filled with hope that this therapist would help me, I would leave knowing they couldn't. For whatever reason, The only two therapists who actually helped me, Shela; she was just amazing! She specialized in in MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). She was an early pioneer in the field and made breakthroughs very few therapists at the time could. Her approach to treatment was first, let the system know there would be no integration, unless the ENTIRE system wanted it. Second, the treatment could only work if the client was in control of its progress. I made such incredible progress with her. Then there was Dale; she is the kindest, most endearing woman I have met since Shela. Her approach was pretty much the same, but what she treated was not the level of anxiety I have. My treatment could only go so far with her and we both knew that. I have had two other therapists since Dale but none have done for me what she did.
After 30 years of trying, of course it stands to reason I would get tired, tired of trying to new approaches, new medications, the latest fads in medicine with such horrific side effects I would lie in bed for days feeling as I were slowly dying. And for what? Nothing is helping the anxiety. But, through my skill of self analysis, I think I have found the cause.
My family lives roughly five hours from me. My mother has visited Memphis on several occasions, and it was at the start of those visits that my anxiety became unbearable. So much so I withdrew. The harder I tried to be "better," the worse the anxiety became to the point I had a breakdown. And here I am, nearly four years later, still trying to recover from that. But I feel if I were further away from them, my recovery would be leaps and bounds ahead of where I am now.
My point to this tirade?
Medication will not work for me, it hasn't in the past, it will not in the future. Why? Because my anxiety is trigger by my proximity to my family. I can fully grasp that reality. It makes sense to me. It fits because when I was in California, Texas, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, South Carolina, North Carolina, Colorado, and Florida, I was fine. I functioned outside, in California I had jobs, I spent my weekends walking around downtown L.A. and Pasadena. I went to the beach, movies, etc. So, yes, I know the closer I am to my abusers, the worse I am.
Do I know what I sound like?
Yes, I know full well this sounds like the rants of someone who is ill and feels they would do better off the medication. The problem with that theory is, I am fully aware of my mental faculties, I am aware of myself. I self analyze daily. I take frequent inventory of my psyche every chance I get.
So, I'm back to square one. But one thing about me, I never give up!
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