Missed a regiment, mood went down

I’m not saying that I don’t get down, even while taking the vitamins. Just as taking pharmaceuticals, there are moments when people just feel down. But I have noticed that if I do not religiously take the vitamins my mood falls a great deal. It doesn’t go as far down as if I do not take them at all but my mood does fall a great deal. So, what does that mean? It could mean one of two things. 1. I need a constant stream of the vitamins in order to maintain my mood. 2. The effects of the raised mood is just a fluke and I am consciously making my own mood rise by the “idea” that the vitamins are working. I would believe the second if I wholeheartedly put 100% of my faith on the effectiveness of the vitamins. I know they have helped me. I went from living in a cave to living in sunshine within three months. Given that I also understand that the mind is one of the most complex organs in the human body. Not only does it make ALL of the other functions of the body work, it also houses ALL of the emotions and memories a person gathers throughout life. The medical field recognizes the development of emotions and memories and they also know full well that the crucial points of this development takes place very early in childhood. If this process is disturbed just enough the whole of the development process is basically ruined. How a person feels and understands is damaged and that healing process never really happens. The only thing a person can do is learn how to function with this deficit. Does not that mean a person cannot function in the world? For some, yes. For others it is just a matter of recognizing the limits and living within them. That is what I am learning now. I am starting to understand that I do have limits and it’s ok to have them. While I lived in the abuse I had to survive. I could never look weak. As long as I appeared alive I would be ok. Abusers can sense weakness at 1000 paces. The whole of life was to live under that radar. Early on my brain developed around the different conflicting emotions and memories I was creating as the abuse was carried around me and on me. Certain chemicals in my brain were overdeveloped and others underdeveloped. An outsider can see this, a therapist can see this. The whole reason behind pharmaceuticals is to replace what the brain is missing and “hopefully” give it just enough to function like a real person. That’s the theory anyway. I don’t believe that at all. I know there are some people who do get relief and the whole of the psychological treatment community bases those few successes and applies it to everyone who suffers from mental illness. That’s like saying that everyone with brown hair is allergic to peanut butter because a handful are. They do not observe these patients as individuals. They treat them as “if one has this and this medication works, then this medication will work or should work with the other who has the same thing.” That is detrimental to the patient. What if by prescribing these medications to people who don’t need them actually adds to the mental illness? What if it causes damages that would not have been there otherwise? It’s possible but they won’t say it. So, do I think the vitamins keep the down moods at bay? Yes. If I miss a dosage will it effect my overall mood? I feel it does. I say this because yesterday, October 23, I missed my morning regiment and my mood started to go down hill until I took my nighttime regiment. Today I still feel a bit down as if my nighttime regiment wasn’t exactly enough to bring it up. It feeds my brain exactly what it needs at the time, and it will eventually wear off a bit and therefore every twelve hours I give it more. This has worked for me for months now. If only I could find something to help the anxiety.

I started taking Dopamine, at 1200mg once a day, in the morning Saturday October 22. I haven’t noticed a huge difference yet. I think it needs to get a steady stream first before I will notice a difference. I am still taking 3,000 mg of GABA and Valerian Root at 530mg which I take five of at bedtime. I am still sleeping more hours at night than I did without them. I am only waking up one time or at most two times during the night and that is to go to the bathroom. I say the nighttime regiment is working. 

Vitamins, the miracle drug?

Due to events in my childhood, I developed Multiple Personality Disorder, PTSD, agoraphobia, social anxiety, paranoia, depression, and general anxiety. Since the age of twenty-one, I have had intense therapy with licensed Social Workers, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists. The latter prescribing medication in order to treat and subdue the symptoms of these disorders. 

They didn’t help and they didn’t work. In the course of twenty years I have gone through the three classes of medication used to treat depression and anxiety, from Prosac, Paxil, Fluvoxamine, Lexapro, Depacote, Diazepam, Lorezapam, Tegratol, Xanax, Abilify, Zoloft, Effexor, and Geodon. My experience with these drugs ranged from sleeplessness, heightened anxiety, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, increase weight, decreased appetite, hospitalization from dehydration, heart palpitations, nausea, insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, decreased sex drive and inability to climax, dizziness, tremors, sweating, sleepiness or fatigue, dry mouth, diarrhea, constipation, and headaches. Not to mention the financial costs of these drugs. I do not have insurance and they cost anywhere from 25 dollars to 235 dollars per month. This also does not include the cost of seeing the doctors without insurance which can cost anywhere from 75 dollars to 150 dollars per visit. 

All of these factors taken into consideration made me want to explore different avenues because I am not a functioning adult. I am housebound because of the anxiety and agoraphobia. When I did have a job I called in a lot because the anxiety would get so great that it would cause psychosomatic illnesses and I would call in. I lost one job due to my absences. I had to find something that would work without all of the side effects. I watched the programs “Food Matters,” “Food, INC.,” and “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.” They were eye-openers to say the least. After watching these programs I learned something very valuable: I could get relief from all of my issues using vitamins and food.  I could get relief from my depression by using vitamins. Think about that for a second. Relief... Relief! How many times has someone who has depression ever had the thought, “If only I could get some relief from feeling like this, I could go back to work, I could hang out with my friends, I could live my life.” How many times have you said that to yourself? For me, it has been my entire life. 

I decided to conduct an experiment on myself and started with Niacin, which helps the body make various sex and stress-related hormones in the adrenal glands and other parts of the body, and also reduces cholesterol. And Magnesium: Magnesium is needed for more than 300 biochemical reactions in the body. It helps maintain normal muscle and nerve function, keeps heart rhythm steady, supports a healthy immune system, and keeps bones strong. Magnesium also helps regulate blood sugar levels, promotes normal blood pressure, and is known to be involved in energy metabolism and protein synthesis. There is an increased interest in the role of magnesium in preventing and managing disorders such as hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes. Dietary magnesium is absorbed in the small intestines. Magnesium is excreted through the kidneys. 

At first I took the recommended dosage on the label. Within a few hours I did notice something different about myself. I noticed that the colors around me were not so shaded. I can see colors, don’t get me wrong. I’m not color-blind. But for people who have depression, there is a distinct change in how we see colors. How we see things around us. Our perspectives are forever changed. So when I noticed a very distinct difference in the shade of colors, I knew I was on to something big. After two weeks on the recommended dosage, I went up. I then took 750mg a day. The colors around me started to brighten and I no longer felt a need to nap in the middle of the day. 

After two weeks on that dosage, I went up to 1000mg a day. I started to shower every two days, whereas before I would shower once a week. I started writing again. I actually wanted to see my friends. I made more of an effort to seek them out and talk with them. I was able to talk on the phone again. 

Within three months, I was up to 3,000mg of Niacin and Magnesium and my depression was held at bay. I am now cleaning my house daily. I am now showering daily. I am making more YouTube videos and my projects are now more intensive. I have friends over now weekly. Relief. 

The anxiety, it appears, is a bit tougher to treat. I started taking Valerian Root and GABA (gamma amino-butyric acid). Valerian Root has a relaxing effect on the nervous system in that it promotes relaxation in persons leading a hectic lifestyle and helps support restful sleep. It is also an all natural sleep aid that promotes a good night's sleep that you will have over and over again. It decreases the amount of time it takes for people with mild insomnia to fall asleep. It can also treat anxiety and counteract stress. Herbalists may recommend Valerian to people who get headaches and muscular pain because of its ability to relax the muscles. GABA is a non-essential amino acid found mainly in the human brain and eyes. It is considered an inhibitory neurotransmitter, which means it regulates brain and nerve cell activity by inhibiting the number of neurons firing in the brain. GABA is referred to as the "brain's natural calming agent". By inhibiting over-stimulation of the brain, GABA may help promote relaxation and ease nervous tension. I take 3,000mg of GABA a day, 1,500 in the morning and 1,500 at bedtime. I take 2,250mg of Valerian Root at bedtime. Last night, October 20th, I slept for six hours without waking up. I was able to fall back to sleep with ease. I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. That was the first time in twenty-eight years that I slept that long, uninterrupted. 

I will never got back to pharmaceuticals to treat my depression. The amount of relief I have had, the quality of life I have now, I wish I could adequately describe. The best I can do is to say this: My life was spent in a cave and then I finally found the door leading into sunshine. 

I am not telling anyone to do what I am doing  but I am asking people to research it if you are not getting the relief you want from the pharmaceuticals you are taking. Doctors will tell you not to take vitamins because they are paid by the pharmaceutical companies to keep people on the prescribed drugs. I didn’t have anything to lose. I wasn’t on prescription drugs when I started the vitamin regiment. I don’t have insurance, so I needed to find something that would help me without a doctor. And I did. Now hopefully, very soon, I can write here that I finally found something that alleviated the anxiety. Wish me luck!